“Those who face death experience the living presence of God through the living presence of the community that cherishes and mourns them.”
— Amy Plantinga Pauw
Thoughts and questions to help you consider this practice
How is it, then, that some people are able to die with the assurance that death is not the final word? In the Christian practice of dying well, Christian people do things with and for one another in response to God's strong love, translating into concrete acts our belief in the resurrection of Christ and of ourselves. Dying well embraces both lament and hope, and both a sense of divine judgment and an awareness of divine mercy.
Even in death, we are not alone. Christian worship demonstrates this through its weekly celebration of resurrection, annual remembrance of Christ's death and resurrection, funerals, singing, anointing, and care for the bereaved. Yet Christians harbor confidence that God is actively working against the powers of death in all creation. How does your congregation nurture resistance to the powers of death in this world?
How does the "rescue credo" of modern medicine interfere with our chances of dying well? What kinds of hope can we offer the dying, besides that of elusive and high-risk physical cures? How does such hope give us courage to admit the limits of today's medical care?
What do hospitals and funeral homes do to shape the contemporary experience of death? What hospital rules and burial laws or customs complicate our efforts to assist one another in dying well?
While death does not separate us from God, death does evoke despair and anger. What do psalms of lament (for example, Psalms 6, 22, 42, 69, 77) teach us about exposing emotions, rather than hiding them?
Christian practices provide no formula for transforming premature, tragic, or unjust deaths into good deaths. When is it most difficult to find redemptive significance in a "bad death"? What are ways the church can convey that one's life continues to matter to the community, no matter what kind of death?
In the life of Christian faith, lament is joined with hope. How does Jesus' conversation with Mary and Martha (John 11:17-27) point to this paradox?
As followers of Jesus, we cannot save death and dying for the end of our lives. Paul writes that our baptism involves us in dying with Christ (Romans 6:3-5). How does living with this awareness prepare us for the dying of our bodies?
Many people near death with a sense of needing forgiveness. Do you know of any times when words of confession or forgiveness at the end of a life led to reconciliation with others or greater trust in God?
No one can count on dying well in a biological sense. Yet some Christians radiate faith and love even when their bodies are failing. Caregivers can radiate such faith and love as well, communicating the merciful presence of God in another way through their loving care for the body of one who is dying. Do you know anyone whose death has inspired those around him or her? Do you know anyone who has faithfully cared for someone through a prolonged period of dying?
A serene death is not a test for proving spiritual maturity, and a difficult death is no indication that faith is lacking. When a death is long and difficult, how can others claim God's promises on behalf of the dying? How does cherishing and mourning a person who has died in turn prepare members of the community for the death eventually coming to them?
Like those being baptized into Christian faith, those who are dying draw strength from the faith of the entire community. How can the ways in which we remember deceased members of our communities prepare us for our own deaths?
"For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
— Romans 8:38-39
"We do not live to ourselves, and we do not die to ourselves. If we live, we live to the Lord, and if we die, we die to the Lord; so then, whether we live or whether we die, we are the Lord's. For to this end Christ died and lived again, so that he might be Lord of both the dead and the living."
— Romans 14:7-9
This litany claims God's promises on behalf of someone who cannot claim them for himself or herself.
O God, Center of us all,
Let us circle 'round you, to claim for __________ what s/he cannot claim for her/himself.
You have not promised Life without lament
But you do promise
Lament can lead into Your Center.
We lay hands on this promise for __________.
You have not promised Eternal life in the body
But you do promise
That sometime all may be re-membered to the Body they left behind.
You have not promised Death without pain
But you do promise
An end to pain.
We lay hands on this promise for __________.
You have not promised Full control of our lives, or our death
But you do promise
That our death need not have ultimate control over us.
We lay hands on this promise for __________.
You have not promised Everything set right before death
But you do promise
Forgiveness to those who seek reconciliation.
We lay hands on this promise for __________.
You have not promised no separation from those we love
But you do promise
That death cannot separate us from God, who creates and holds tender those we love.
We lay hands on this promise for __________.
You have not promised Perfect understanding of the timing and ways of death
But you do promise
To be near as breath as we travel that journey.
We lay hands on this promise for __________.
You have not promised Death without mourning, no darkness of the soul as we pass that way
But you do promise
An unwavering Light to meet us.
We lay hands on this promise for __________.
O God, Center of us all,
Encircle us with your grace as we lift before you our sister/brother.
Grant us your peace which passes all understanding.
Bless us and keep us and make your face to shine upon us
This day and forevermore.
Amen.
— Lani Wright, Cottage Grove, Oregon
"Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom."
Text: based on Luke 23:42
Copyright (c) 1981 Les Presses de Taizé
"Today I live, but once shall come my death."
Text: Fred Kaan
Text copyright (c) 1975 Hope Publishing Co.
"Shepherd me, O God, beyond my wants, beyond my fears, from death into life."
Text: based on Psalm 23, Marty Haugen
Text and music copyright (c) 1986 G.I.A. Publications, Inc.
"In the bulb there is a flower..."
Text and music: Natalie Sleeth
Text and music copyright (c) 1986 Hope Publishing Co.
"We walk by faith, and not by sight..."
Text: Henry Alford
Music copyright (c) 1984 G.I.A. Publications, Inc.
"For all the saints, who from their labors rest..."
Text: William W. How
Well-known Christian philosopher Nicholas Wolterstorff has authored many books that have contributed significantly to scholarship in several subjects. In Lament for a Son he writes not as a scholar but as a loving father grieving the loss of his son.
This book by Susan Briehl and musician/composer Marty Haugen includes texts, songs, and several prayer services for use at home or around the bed of a dying person, including a prayer of commendation for those to whom death draws near.
Thomas Lynch, poet, funeral director, and author of the highly praised The Undertaking, winner of an American Book Award and finalist for the National Book Award, continues to examine the relations between the literary and mortuary arts.
The definitive resource on perhaps the single most universal human concern: death.
From Ira Byock, prominent palliative care physician and expert in end of life decisions, a lesson in Dying Well.
Ordinary People is an extraordinary novel about an “ordinary” family divided by pain, yet bound by their struggle to heal.
Tells the story of C.S. Lewis’s romantic relationship with Joy Gresham, an American fan who wins his heart and then discovers she is terminally ill.
Offers insight into perspectives on aging and dying in contemporary society. A group of older adults discovers “the fountain of youth” in a Florida swimming pool. They must choose between remaining with family and friends on Earth — and dying — or leaving Earth on an alien spaceship with the prospect of living for millennia.
Long begins by describing how the Christian funeral developed historically, theologically, and liturgically, and then discusses recent cultural trends in funeral practices, including the rise in both cremations and memorial services. He describes the basic pattern for a funeral service, details options in funeral planning, identifies characteristics of a “good funeral,” and provides thoughtful guidance for preaching at a funeral.
Prominent critic, poet, and memoirist Sandra M. Gilbert explores our relationship to death through literature, history, poetry, and societal practices.
This meditation was presented at the Accompany Them with Singing Conference, January 2010.